


Bitter Nakano

by bizzylizzy



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M, Pining, Sex Drugs and Rock and Roll, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-05
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-16 03:08:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,127
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28575030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bizzylizzy/pseuds/bizzylizzy
Summary: :: It's a Rockstar AU, you've been warned::Once upon a time two best friends were in a band.They did not live happily ever after.
Relationships: Uchiha Itachi/Uchiha Shisui
Comments: 10
Kudos: 33





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My only excuse is writer's block is a bitch and I found a very old document about Itachi and Shisui being in a band called "Bitter Nakano" over the holidays and I made bad choices.

Itachi wanted to be a Mathematician.

Shisui wanted to be a rockstar.

In those days, if Shisui was doing it, Itachi was doing it with him.

The greatest irony was Itachi was the one with a decade long career.  
~  
Itachi transitioned well from rockstar to chronic patient.

Doctors and nurses were better than groupies. 

Fellow patients were better than fans.

Kisame knitting was oddly exactly the same as him playing the drums behind Itachi, holding the entire structure of a song together as he faded into the background.

Itachi spent too much time thinking that this was some kind of karmic retribution for everything that had happened in his life. Really, he had just lost a genetic lottery. His lips and cheekbones, eyes and eyelashes, were all paid for by the internal attack his body was waging on him now. It all balanced out.

"Now it's all even," Itachi said while sitting through his first chemo treatment. Itachi already knew he would hate it. Kill the body to make it stop tearing itself apart. Wonderful. He was so glad he had shaved his hair beforehand. The idea of it falling out bothered him far more than it should.

"Are you hallucinating?" Kisame asked. “I don’t think this is supposed to make you hallucinate, but you never know.”

"I'm paying for all my good luck," Itachi was sleep deprived and his body ached. His brain fog had been wretched these last few weeks and the only reason he had agreed to try the chemo. He was hoping this would cure him. This would make him better. The poisoned cure would purge him of all impurities and make him innocent again.

Was that a song? It had to be from some song.

"Ah, so it's just your massive self-loathing and guilt," Kisame sat forward.

"I am a terrible person," Itachi said.

"You're barely a person. Give yourself another decade and see what you think then," Kisame snorted. He turned a page.

"Well, fuck that didn’t take long."

Itachi turned his head as Kisame turned the page for Itachi to see. It was a grainy image of Itachi leaving the clinic, beanie pulled low over his face. The headline screamed speculation. 

"Do you want to change clinics?" Kisame asked.

"No," Itachi closed his eyes. "I haven’t been relevant in years. I don't think anyone really cares anymore." Kisame gave that low, amused chuckle that meant this was bullshit and Itachi knew it.  
~  
Itachi didn't think he had been that great a singer. He didn't have an amazing stage presence. He had a _look_ , but that wasn't it.

What had made his career was the crazy trajectory, the tragedies, and the mystery.

That was why people were snatching photos of him looking pale and sick leaving a clinic.

He'd been in a junior orchestra. He had been in a teenaged boy band. He'd been accepted to Ivy League colleges. He'd been in a rock punk ensemble. He'd been a solo artist. He had been worshipped. He had been despised. He'd stood on stage after stage to screams of joy and lust and hate. He had been an object. An inspiration. A cautionary tale.

Itachi had been a lot of things in his life. However, every discussion came back to two things. Every interview, forum post, fan interaction, conversation, rant, article, smear blog, or music review always circled back to the two things Itachi would never be able to escape or answer for.

Bitter Nakano and Shisui.  
~  
"Do you ever feel like you're not yourself?" Itachi asked Kisame.

"You need to stop Googling yourself," Kisame's bass rumble that had made 10 million people across the world come, vibrated the air pleasantly. "And you never put your real self on that stage, so no one knows what you are. Of course, you don't feel like they're talking about you. They’re talking about _Itachi_ , not you."

"Don't you mean who I am?" Itachi put his phone down and closed his eyes. He hadn't brought any books today. His hands hurt and he couldn't concentrate on words long enough to read. He did hate chemo as much as he had thought he would.

" _What._ You're a mythological creature to them. No one ever touched you. No one ever fucked you. How do they even know you're real?"

Itachi scoffed lightly. "So what are you?"

"I'm just a washed-up rock star." Kisame took Itachi's phone from him as Itachi's hand went for it again. "Stop, you sadistic narcissist."

"I'm bored and in pain," Itachi countered. The pain was not enough to be miserable yet, and the chemo was purported to be working. Poison was indeed his cure.

How ironic.

"You could have had narcotics," Kisame said. "Everyone wants to give you more pain medication of any kind."

Kisame opened Itachi's phone and saw what he had been looking at. "Feeling nostalgic?"

"Things were simpler then," Itachi lied.

"You just didn't understand what was going on," Kisame countered.

It was a very old forum thread, lovingly archived and preserved, trying to solve the biggest mystery for all late 90s boy band fans. Itachi had spent hours falling down the internet rabbit holes of conspiracies about what had happened in his life that were so meticulous and convincing Itachi began to believe them. This one was perhaps his favorite take, and he wondered if the fans who had built these arguments had ever gotten closure. Had they forgotten? Did they still have moments where they wondered about all these questions?

“You could always just tell people the truth,” Kisame added as he placed the phone down and picked up his knitting again. “If you’re so bothered about the lies.”

The truth was out there if anyone knew how to look for it. But, besides Itachi, only one person could.  
~  
When Kisame had first met Itachi, he had known the kids' reputation. Itachi had been barely eighteen, fresh from the scandal of Bitter Nakano's ending. Kisame suspected Nagato signed Itachi on simply for the media buzz surrounding him at that time. Nagato’s strange Akatsuki ensemble idea was having trouble getting its feet under it.

Kisame had expected Itachi to be paired with someone who matched his androgynous aesthetic, but it turned out he and the former boyband's heartthrob were going to form one of the Akatsuki's duos. Kisame expected nothing from the teenager who had risen to fame for his eerie harmonies with his "cousin" but a pretty face and pleasant voice.

Their first show someone had screamed Shisui's name when Itachi had taken the mic. They had screamed it into one of those odd lulls. The world had gone silent. Itachi had gone still. Rigid. Immobile. Then Itachi had calmly given the crowd the middle finger and told them to fuck themselves. Then he’d left the stage and refused to come back.

That set the tone for Itachi. He never answered questions about Bitter Nakano. He never answered questions about Shisui. He walked out of interviews at the hint of either name. He'd broken both his fingers and Deidara's face when he had asked about it. Paired with Kisame's distaste for answering questions, Kisame and Itachi did very few interviews. In a cast of loud ideologies, it made them an interesting enigma.

"One day, you're going to have to talk about it," Nagato told Itachi after another interview Itachi had walked out of. 

"It's not my story to tell," Itachi said, even though Kisame knew that was a lie. That was Itachi's story before it was Shisui's, but that was why he would never tell it.  
~  
Itachi always signed autographs for the hospital staff and other patients. He didn't sing because he did not trust what would come out of his throat yet. It seemed like the least he could do for the people who found themselves in the same miserable space as him. People didn't recognize Kisame as often, which Itachi thought was absurd. What other almost seven-foot man would be wheeling Itachi around in a wheelchair and bitching at him about his medications?

Outside of the hospital, Itachi hadn't signed anything in since walking off the stage.

"Sasuke is texting you," Kisame handed Itachi's phone back over. Itachi had been not quite dozing but not awake while his arm burned. He took his phone to see what was happening. Sasuke had led a life almost as exciting as Itachi's, rocketing from one interest and extreme to the other.

"I'm starting to understand how my parents felt," Itachi squinted and sent Sasuke a thumbs down. 

"Is he still dating three people?"

"I think Sakura dumped him for Karin? So only Naruto now. Unless he's back with...that other guy..." Itachi had a hard time keeping up with Sasuke's rapid-fire love life. "He wants me to sing for a charity event."

"You'll have to sing again someday," Kisame turned the page of the magazine he was thumbing through. It was something with a huge southern mansion house on the front.

"You could just pick me up," Itachi pointed out. "You don't have to stay here the entire time."

"I wouldn't want you to be lonely," Kisame responded without even looking up. 

"....I had a very good reason for--"

"You have a good reason for everything," Kisame interrupted. "To you. I'm just here to make sure you're not wasting everyone's time ditching appointments."

 _Think about it._ Sasuke's response popped onto the screen. _Take care of yourself._

Itachi felt a shiver begin in his gut.

_**Take care of yourself.** _

_**Without you, I’m nothing.**_  
~  
After Itachi broke his hand on Deidara's face, Kisame taught him how to throw a proper punch. After a fan in a crowd tried to pull Itachi into the mob, Kisame taught him how to break holds and throw people. He gave Itachi fangs and fists to stand his ground, and something about that changed how Itachi stood on stage.

Before, Itachi had been an uncanny mimic of Shisui's stage presence. It was as if the ghost of his cousin came down to possess Itachi once he began to sing. If there had been more videos of Bitter Nakano performing, other people might have noticed. Luckily Itachi dodged that rumor, but there were plenty more constantly circulating.

"Did you really kill him?" Kisame asked after a long week of playing at a festival when the Akatsuki was starting to break down. Itachi and Kisame and Konan and Pein were the only pairs really holding it together anymore. Deidara had been arrested a few months back with Sasori's death almost a year behind them. Kakuzu had his problems and Hidan kept going missing when he was supposed to be on stage.

Itachi had just paused in downing another energy drink. Those were the days of heavy eye make-up, long hair half up and half down, the many piercings on his ears. The bared midriffs and tight pants. Heavy boots. Painted black nails.

Emo Punk or something like that.

"That would have made things simpler," Itachi had said.

Six months later when everything blew up, despite being one of the few people in the ensemble still alive and not in jail, everyone blamed Itachi. He was cursed.

And that was the name of Itachi’s first solo album.

**Cursed**

The first time Itachi had written any of his own lyrics since Bitter Nakano.  
~  
The thing that disturbed Itachi most about his life was how well it was documented. He had avoided ever looking at any rumors or gossip or even watching back interviews for years, but after he had quit he became bored. He got curious. He had days and nights or lethargy so great all he could do was scroll endlessly.

It started with searching for information on old Akatsuki members--all dead or in jail except for Kakuzu. Looking at Kisame led Itachi to himself. On the surface, the information for Itachi was his most recent. His solo career, which had not actually been solo at all since Kisame had been backing him the entire way. The pictures were from recent years with his long braid, softer make-up, more casual style. 

Then Itachi was slapped in the face by a picture of himself and Shisui. This was the last photoshoot of Bitter Nakano, for their last album. Shisui was wild hair and rough edges, his crooked smile and tattoos. He was a rising symbol of sex and rock and roll. Maybe he would have been punk. Maybe he would have been a pop star. Who knew. No one knew because Shisui had fallen off the face of the earth in his prime.

Itachi had stayed and every step he had taken was mapped out meticulously and judged. Still, despite everything being technically true, Itachi felt like he was reading about a stranger. Those events had happened to him, but it did not feel like it matched up with his life. The facts were all listed, but the truth was absent.

After the facts came the theories. Opinions. Fan speculation. Itachi had spent hours reading, listening to, and watching endless takes on his life choices and what had brought him to the place he was now. People vilified him, exonerated him, praised him, cursed him, and everything on that spectrum. Itachi wondered if any of them really wanted the truth anymore. Probably not. 

He teased himself with the idea of posting rebuttals or counter theories, but it seemed petty now.

After all, Shisui had already done that for him.  
~  
Three blurry pictures were always connected with the end of Bitter Nakano.

They had been taken at Itachi's "Birthday Party" in someone's mansion. Afterward, the stories of what else had happened there were very certainly exaggerated. The stories of the drugs, drinking, and sex could not be as extravagant as all of that. Not all of it could be true. Some, yes, but not all.

Swirling around those rumors were the three pictures. Two dark-haired boys by the pool. One boy pushing the other into the water. One boy walking away.

Everything in the photos was blurry with terrible lighting. No one could ever concretely prove the two people in the images were Itachi and Shisui. It could have been anyone. All anyone really knew for a fact was an ambulance had left the party.

Someone had certainly drowned that night.

And no one ever saw Shisui again.  
~  
When Itachi and Kisame retired, melodramatically as possible, Kisame had continued producing music. He preferred it these days, now that the concerts, drugs, and groupies were becoming a bit too much for his ears and his liver. 

Itachi had disconnected entirely from the modern music scene for months, listening only to classical. He picked up the violin from his childhood, plunked around on a battered acoustic guitar with tunes Kisame didn't recognize and slept either two hours a day or sixteen. He didn't speak for days. He shaved his head. Kisame would find him lying on the floor in total silence, not asleep or drugged or drunk, simply being impossibly still.

It was Itachi's version of a mental breakdown and a detox from his life. 

They were waiting for doctor's visits to begin. Specialists were trying to work a washed-up rockstar into their schedules, but Itachi had insisted they now try too hard. He wasn't dying. He assumed. If he did, it was fitting. Karma.

The first music Kisame heard Itachi listening to was that of an indie internet musician who seemed too old to be leaning into the method of fame gathering. Itachi had been, in a way, protecting himself by not listening to any music. He had been blindsided before by songs with disastrous results, and Kisame thought that was more than half the reason Itachi had quit music. He was not ready to face it yet.

But he might be now.

Kisame knew who it was before he saw it. Before he heard the voice. He knew the notes. The way the song was composed. The style.

And he understood.  
~  
Bitter Nakano took Shisui from Itachi.

That was the major reason he never spoke of the band or ever tried to sing any of the songs. Itachi had been a lonely child, and Shisui had been his only friend. It seemed they were inseparable because Itachi tried his hardest to be everywhere with Shisui. Had one of them been the opposite gender, it might have been a love story.

Maybe it was.

But this had been the 90s, and they were only friends. Brothers. Shisui wanted to be a rock star and Itachi wanted to be where Shisui was.

And Shisui loved it. Itachi would do anything to make Shisui smile so he had pushed himself. He had agreed to everything and tried harder and harder to be the best. And Itachi was not the kind of person who failed.

Maybe if Itachi hadn't been so good at it, none of this would have happened.

Bitter Nakano had a very niche and cult blow up. They were not international stars, but they were successful. They had a few hits. They sold-out shows. People wanted them. People had shrines set up for them. People would do anything for them.

Anything.

Drugs and alcohol and bodies of any kind. Cars and houses and hotel suites where no one asked questions.

Itachi pretended he was still going to college and put on his headphones. He pretended he needed to work on songs.

He wrote an entire album to Shisui no one ever saw.

But this was all Shisui had ever wanted. He embraced it. All of it. It swept him away.

It pulled him under.

It left Itachi standing on the stage alone.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll just write a one-shot, she said.
> 
> She lied.
> 
> None of the songs used are my property. 
> 
> I have NO idea how bands or the music industry works.

Itachi wished Bitter Nakano had never existed.  
~  
"Are you sure you want to do this?" Shisui asked Itachi. This was the biggest crowd they had ever played to; a show not grabbed locally but in a bigger city. They were opening for a pretty well-known local band. It was obvious to Shisui that Itachi far more enjoyed writing songs and making music over playing in front of people. He was shy. He didn't like the attention. But they had written the songs together. The songs were made to be sung by two people--by _them_.

Itachi looked up. He had his hair pulled back in a tiny ponytail, and Shisui had picked out his clothes. It ended up being just a T-shirt and black jeans, but it wasn't what Itachi would normally wear. The T-shirt was Shisui's and slightly too big. The jeans were not loose around his legs like usual.

"I'm sure," Itachi nodded, making the nub of a ponytail bob. He was fourteen with big eyes and black lashes that made him look like a kid still. In a few years, Shisui would regret this moment. At the moment, Shisui felt nothing but elated. He felt himself soar. There could be nothing more _right_ than the two of them on stage together.

There was no one else in the world Shisui wanted on stage with him more than Itachi.

"Right," Shisui extended his hand. Itachi paused before he took it, and Shisui pulled Itachi on stage. He grabbed his microphone, throwing Itachi forward to the crowd with the motion of his hand.

"Are you ready!" Shisui demanded. He felt the hesitant noise from the crowd try to build and he pushed it as he jumped to the front of the stage. "To rock!" The screams of approval washed over him.

Shisui knew he was going to be great at this, and he knew how badly he wanted it.

He would do anything to make it.

Anything.  
~  
Kisame knew Itachi was feeling better when he found things in his studio moving around. Itachi had shifted to being entirely nocturnal after they moved into the house. They saw each other at breakfast and in the early evening, but Kisame conducted business mostly without Itachi around.

For someone who had been touring since he was fourteen, Itachi was adjusting incredibly well to life out of the spotlight. Kisame had always seen live performance as exhilarating, but also as a means to an end. He'd constructed a lot of the Akatsuki's music, even if Nagato had been the one writing most of the lyrics. Kisame had never intended to be a performing artist for long.

For Kisame, shifting to producing was a natural progression. He'd had his thrills. He'd slept with the groupies. He'd made his money. He'd gotten his name into the right hands and minds. It had never been about any of that for Itachi. It was as if someone had put him on the path and he couldn't get off. He was good at it. He could entrance a crowd. He slam out a damn near perfect song in hours. He could harmonize with anyone at anytime and had a gut understanding of how sounds came together to affect his audience.

But Kisame couldn't dismiss his feeling that Itachi was somehow stuck in music. It ruled him in a way almost mythical. On stage, it was as if he became possessed, embodying the perfect performer and rock star. The man never had a bad show, even when the electricity had gone out or the venue had flooded. Itachi had managed to save the experience.

As far as Kisame knew, Itachi hadn't sung anything since he had walked off the stage almost two years ago. Multiple upper respiratory infections, chronic coughs, lung damage, and treatments that had affected everything from his vocal cords to lungs had been cited for why he wasn't singing. Kisame had listened to enough coughing fits to know that was mostly true, but there was something else.

Kisame didn't find anything Itachi had actually recorded for a few weeks, and what he finally found was a very simple song. Not one of his own songs from any era, which would seem like the natural choice if one was trying to get back into singing.

_You took it with you when you left  
These scars are just a trace  
Now it wanders lost and wounded  
This heart that I misplaced_

But that was not how Itachi did things.

 _Why did you go?  
I had to stay  
Now I'm reaching for you  
Will you wait?  
Will you wait?  
Will I see you again?_  
~  
Shisui had written fifteen songs over three days.

"None of these are any good," Itachi said. "Except maybe this one."

"What do you mean?" Shisui grabbed the notebook pages back from Itachi. He began reading them over quickly, noting Itachi's red ink commentary and finally set the papers down, defeated. "Okay, maybe." Shisui threw them aside. They felt so good when he was writing them down.

Which was bad, because they had a new album to write, and they had a deadline in which to write it.

Coming off their first "tour" Shisui was excited to write more music. He had been jotting down notes about themes and lyrics that came to him at odd moments. Itachi had managed to corral everything into a massive binder with his own more neatly organized ideas. Bitter Nakano's first album "showed promise" which to Shisui meant they had to blow the second album out of the water. The thing was, their first album had been something Shisui and Itachi had worked on for two years off and on. Shisui didn't know if they could make a whole album in a shorter amount of time. He didn't know if he had another full album inside of him either.

The prospect of having nothing to do but make music had seemed heavenly. Shisui had been ready for it. They had even been given their own apartment to write in, leased in Shisui's father's name, although the proceeds of Bitter Nakano were paying for it. It felt so _mature_ and professional. They were _Musicians_ now. Touring artists.

Which really meant they had obligations to write more and better music. 

Shisui was starting to be terrified he would never write a good song again.

"You need to sleep more," Itachi decided as he took the papers back. "Caffeine isn't the same as sleep."

"We _need_ to write an album," Shisui countered as he half-heartedly tried to grab the papers. "One that's even better than the last one. _Itachi--_ "

"It's not going to happen in three days," Itachi said it so calmly, it made him sound like the older one. Then again, Shisui didn't know how much Itachi wanted this. He still felt like Itachi might be humoring him, but if it got them on stage, did it matter? If nothing else, Itachi loved songwriting and composing. Even if he was a huge math nerd at heart.

"Fine....I guess I'll go for a walk or something..."

"Let's go watch a movie," Itachi countered. Shisui didn't want to be away that long, but Itachi convinced him it would be worth it. They hadn't gone out much lately, and Shisui would have been excited to see this kind of movie before Bitter Nakano. Shisui was so tired when they got back he fell asleep on the couch.

In the morning, Shisui found Itachi asleep at his desk, three nearly perfect songs pulled from the mess of Shisui's attempts.

And Shisui knew, without a doubt, their second album would be amazing.  
~  
"And he exits the lair," Kisame said as he set two plates of eggs and sausage down on the counter. "This is pretty late for you to be up. Were you working on something?"

"I fell asleep," Itachi sat down at the counter. He looked nothing like a rockstar, except for his face. Itachi's slim face with his large eyes and dark lashes would never change. His hair was just to his shoulder blades, not quite regrown to its full glory. He was wearing one of Kisame's T-shirts, no jewelry except simple silver studs in his ears, and sweat pants. He looked frumpy and his actual age for once.

"I could sell a picture of you right now for thousands," Kisame added.

Itachi looked up, rather blank until he blinked and rearranged his posture and expression for the sexy, smoldering look that made all fans swoon. In an instant, it was gone, and Itachi was back, pulling the plate to himself.

"I thought selling photos of me was how you were paying off your studio equipment."

"Because I need to stoop to that level to make money?"

"You are only a drummer," Itachi flashed Kisame a cheeky half-grin before lowering his head to push eggs around the plate.

"You were only a bassist once," Kisame countered.

Itachi's fork stilled, and he went too still for the casual comment. Kisame wondered what he was going to find when he got into the studio today.

"And we know how that turned out," Itachi replied as he looked up. He took the plate away with him to his room, and Kisame went to the studio.

As usual, he did not find what he expected.  
~  
Bitter Nakano's second album went over five times better than their first. They had really stepped up the intricacies of their vocals, expanding their lyrical content. Itachi had written an absolutely haunting mini-song he couldn't finish but Shisui had wanted to include it as a bonus track.

"It's just _good._ " Shisui had gushed about the heartbreaking, incredibly simple arrangement. Itachi had just given him the barest of smiles and looked away, obviously embarrassed. How something that _tragic_ had come out of Itachi, Shisui desperately wanted to know.

If someone had already broken his best friend's heart, they were going to have to have a fight.

The tour was going fantastic. Crowds were coming to see _them_. With some experience under their belts, Itachi and Shisui were really learning how to play live. After his break, Shisui's voice felt golden. Hitting the right notes with Itachi on stage was transcendent. He loved it. He couldn't get enough of it. Making the album had been a nerve-wracking blast, but this? Performing was absolutely the best part.

Shisui went to sleep euphoric after rehashing the details of the night with Itachi. Itachi always fell asleep before Shisui was finished talking, but Shisui didn't hold it against him. It was exhausting, and Itachi was giving it his all every time they were on stage together. Sometimes seeing Itachi on stage made Shisui feel giddy.

"You're really good at this," Shisui told Itachi after one of their last shows. He was still quiet, the one everyone labeled as rather shy. Itachi had just had his fifteenth birthday a few weeks ago. It had flown by in the bustle of the tour, but Shisui made sure to grab Itachi a present that would be waiting for him when they were off the tour, and then an entire stadium sang to him. Itachi had hated that part, he said, but the sideways look Itachi had given Shisui said he understood the sentiment.

But never do it again.

"I'm just following your lead," Itachi looked down at the strings of his bass. If they got another member to tour with them, Itachi could play lead guitar and Shisui could just focus on singing. The number of instruments Itachi seemed intent on learning was amazing, but he didn't have any interest in being a frontman. He'd told Shisui that point-blank at the start of this tour. Itachi would back Shisui to the ends of the earth, but he did not want to stand center stage.

"No, you could do it on your own," Shisui prompted. "You're that good."

Itachi smiled a little. "Why would I want to do that?"

Shisui slung an arm around Itachi's shoulders, ignoring the way it made him blush.

"Because you are," Shisui said with dead seriousness. "A rock star."

Itachi had laughed, and Shisui loved him for it.  
~  
Kisame had three recorded tracks of Itachi singing covers. He'd spent a good five hours trying to find evidence Itachi was making some kind of original music. Itachi had been writing songs for the majority of his life. He was constantly churning out lyrics and notes that would slowly turn into a song, or fall out in a frenzy of intention. Itachi's subconscious was always working on the next song. The next album. The next thing.

Now he seemed to be moving backward.

The recordings felt incredibly intimate. It was Itachi and a guitar, almost whispering into the mic. It was the soft, subtle bearing of a soul under the disguise of someone else's words. When he thought of that, Kisame understood what was happening.

_We are the reckless  
We are the wild youth  
Chasing visions of our futures  
One day, we'll reveal the truth  
That one will die before he gets there_

It did not sound like Itachi singing. It sounded like someone fresh to singing finding their voice. It was experimental, a bit pitchy in places, too soft, too much breathe, the suggestion of a song instead of a _song_ as Itachi would have made it.

It was as if Itachi were trying to remember something.

_And if you're in love, then you are the lucky one,  
'Cause most of us are bitter over someone._

Or find it.  
~  
The terrifying thing about making it as a musician was it ceased to be "just about the music." Bitter Nakano had always had management, as they had started as minors, but as the band's popularity grew the cast of characters grew as well. Now they were doing interviews, which Itachi hated. They did publicity events, signed things, were offered brand deals. It was all just starting, but Shisui could feel the expanse of the future opening up in front of them.

It filled him with terror and euphoria.

People wanted autographs. They had fans. Fansites. Fan groups. People wrote blogs about them. People had had entire self-made websites about Bitter Nakano. People overanalyzed their lyrics, and Itachi got unreasonably angry about some of the takes people had about them. Shisui loved it all. Did it really matter what people said as long as they said _something_? 

People, usually teenaged girls, also really wanted to sleep with either Itachi or Shisui. Or both. Itachi's horrified look when he had first been flashed by a braless girl had made Shisui laugh out loud. Someone had supplied them with condoms on the tour, but Shisui knew Itachi had never used any. Shisui was too busy on tour to think about it, crashing after shows and taking Itachi sightseeing when they had any free time. The most he explored that option was some necking and groping in dark corners with fans who made it past security.

After the tour, Itachi went home to visit his mother and Sasuke. Shisui visited his father for a week before he couldn't stand it anymore and spent the rest of Itachi's "vacation" alone in the apartment where they would be writing their next album. Shisui had never been alone like this in his life, and the autonomy was intoxicating. He was newly eighteen as well, in his mind a perfect combination he took full advantage of.

Technically Shisui was underage for drinking and clubs, but getting around that was easy. He was, after all, a rockstar. Shisui knew as soon as Itachi was back, they were going to be doing nothing but writing music, so he decided to make the most of his time. Have some fun. Live a little. It was nice. It was weird. One girl he met wanted to play Bitter Nakano songs and Shisui could absolutely not perform with Itachi's voice and melodies playing. 

"You're eighteen now, right?" One girl asked--woman. She was in college. She had tattoos and had some connection to a drummer they had worked with on their last tour. She'd evidently been asking for the drummer to hook her up with Shisui's number for a while. 

Shisui paused, jarred by the realization he should probably be more careful who he was sleeping with. Should he be checking their IDs? Could he get in trouble for that? "Yeah?"

"Well thank god for Romeo and Juliet laws," The woman grinned and Shisui was going to ask what she meant by that (she was certainly older than him) before she kissed him. Shisui didn't think about it again.

The first time anyone ever asked it outright, he was offering to pay for a hotel room for a night for a girl with heavy eyeliner and electric hai

"Aren't you two a couple, though?"

Shisui had laughed. The girl hadn't been offended. They had a good time.

"Have you been here the whole time?" Itachi asked after he arrived. "You should have told me you were, and I would have come back sooner."

"It was a vacation. The second you got here we'd start working," Shisui protested, but he couldn't deny how happy he'd been to hear Itachi was going to be arriving that afternoon. Shisui was ready to write. And he had missed his pretty much constant companion as well. Despite all the hook-ups he'd managed to arrange, Shisui had been getting lonely.

"We could have done something else," Itachi protested, dropping his duffel bag onto the floor, looking around. He wouldn't find any evidence of what Shisui had been up to. Shisui hadn't brought anyone to the apartment because he didn't want anyone thinking they could show up later. He didn't want Itachi to know what he had been up to. Shisui was not ashamed of his behavior. He didn't think. He just wasn't ready to have that kind of talk with Itachi.

"You wanted to see Sasuke," Shisui protested. "How's he doing?"

Itachi's face lit up. His smile widened, and Shisui was prepared to hear in exhaustive detail everything Sasuke was doing and how _wonderful_ Itachi's exceptionally normal brother was. As a surprise, Shisui had booked them dinner at a very fancy restaurant, deciding they should kick this off with a celebration.

They ended up being cornered by a reporter when they left the restaurant. Shisui gave them the obligatory statements about starting the album while Itachi tried to melt into the wall behind them. The little article ran with several mentions of Shisui's escapades before Itachi had arrived. Luckily, Itachi didn't read anything articles about Bitter Nakano.

Or that was what Shisui had always thought.  
~  
"Yo."

Sasuke gave Kisame a salute as he walked into the house. 

"Are you supposed to be here?" If Itachi had forgotten to tell Kisame, then he was forgetting very important things and they were going back to the doctor.

"I got deported, so I decided to see how Itachi's doing," Sasuke walked into the house and dropped his bag on the couch. He had already pulled out a cigarette. "Do you care if I smoke in here?"

"Take it to the patio," Kisame said bruskly. Sasuke shrugged and put the cigarettes back in his bag.

"Where's Itachi?"

"Asleep," Kisame said as he heard a door open.

"Sasuke?" Itachi came out of the bedroom, pushing his bangs out of his face. "Why are you here?"

"Hi, nice to see you too, brother." Sasuke rolled his eyes and walked up to Itachi. they didn't hug, and Sasuke just walked around Itachi as if assessing him. 

"The internet misses you. A lot of people think you're in some private rehab or Kisame has murdered you," Sasuke added. "You look better."

"Amazing what taking care of your health does for you," Itachi drawled. He reached up to tap Sasuke's forehead with his fingers. "Why are you here?"

Sasuke shrugged. "I got deported, so I came to see you."

Itachi looked to the ceiling for patience or deliverance. Hard to tell which. "I'm so glad I haven't had to spend your bail fund on anything yet."

"I didn't get arrested. Technically." Sasuke turned to look around the living space. His eyes settled on Kisame. "Do you care if I stay here for a while?"

Kisame looked at Itachi, who shrugged, but he was looking at Sasuke with the exasperated amusement Sasuke always brought out in Itachi. Itachi was an isolated person, very selective in who he liked. Sasuke always brought out that smile. The subtle joy. Kisame could never say no to having the brat around.

"If I find out you're wanted, I'm turning you in," Kisame cautioned.

Sasuke shrugged. "Fair." He stepped to the backpack on the couch and pulled out his cigarettes "I'm gonna make some calls and let people know I'm okay."

"Sasuke." That was all Itachi said, but Sasuke put the pack back in his bag until Itachi walked over, holding out his hand. Sasuke didn't even roll his eyes. He handed them over.

"I want Chinese for dinner," Sasuke added before he went out to the patio. Itachi stood holding the pack of cigarettes and watched Sasuke close the door behind him. Sasuke pulled out his phone and lifted it to his ear, looking up at the sky.

Itachi looked at Kisame, something so complicated scattered across his face, telegraphed in the way he held the cigarettes, written in the stiffness of his spine--

"I'll order food and meet you in the studio," Kisame said, but he couldn't help the tinge of a question the words held.

"No," Itachi said. "I'm going to try and go back to bed." He took the pack of cigarettes with him and shut the door.  
~  
Bitter Nakano's third album was birthed with what felt like no effort at all. It hit the charts and soared high, all the singles charting at number one for at least a few weeks. It was absolutely amazing.

On the tour following that, Itachi played lead guitar and Shisui only sang vocals. It gave him more freedom to move. It let him pump the crowd up to a fever pitch. Itachi really came into his own on the guitar solos, and the crowd loved him. Every time people screamed for Itachi, Shisui's heart swelled. He didn't think he'd ever love someone as much as he loved Itachi on that stage.

Shisui was eighteen on this tour, fully an "adult" now. Itachi celebrated his sixteenth birthday on tour. Shisui didn't sing happy birthday, but he did sing Itachi's haunting little track that they had still never finished. They stayed up all night eating stupidly expensive chocolate cake on the way to the next city, and Shisui had never been happier.

"There's something really special about them," Shisui was grabbing his jacket backstage when he heard two of their management team talking.

"Have you thought about taking them solo?"

"No way. They're just too good together. It's always risky taking on these young singers because their voices change so damn much, but I think we dodged the bullet here. Shisui's voice has leveled out to be pretty good."

"I know Shisui's their lead singer, but I think Itachi's the real star in the duo. Give his voice another year and it'll probably be better than Shisui's. He just brings something different to the songs." 

Shisui had to hurry to make it back to stage on time, and when he saw Itachi, he gave Itachi a thumbs up and a smile. Itachi's inward expression shifted as soon as he looked at Shisui, lighting up. Glowing.

Shisui got what they saw in Itachi--hell, he saw it himself every time he got on stage--, but he knew they were wrong about Itachi being a better lead singer or frontman. One could look at Itachi's prettier face, his long hair, the solemn dignity he carried with him and assume he should and could be the center of attention. That wasn't who Itachi was. It never would be.

But there was something Itachi brought to the table--something he brought out in Shisui and the music itself that was indeed special. Shisui didn't discredit that. He didn't dismiss it. He knew Bitter Nakano was both of the best parts of them, and that was what made it wonderful.

"Hello Portland!" Shisui shouted raising his fisted hand over his head. "Are you ready to rock!" The screams almost drowned out the first notes of Itachi's guitar as he launched them perfectly into the first song.

This was their longest tour yet. It was the first tour where they went overseas. It was the first tour where Shisui felt himself dragging, exhausted. That was the tour someone very helpfully handed him a small array of pills to get the pep back in his step for a show.

Shisui saw no harm in it. It was just for the tour.  
~  
Sasuke had been in residence a month and had actually made himself useful by taking over all cooking and grocery ordering in the house and appointing himself Kisame's office assistant. There was nothing like watching Sasuke answer annoying phone calls and destroy people who needed it. Sasuke had never created any music, but during high school and college he had run a very popular music critique blog and video channel. No one had ever connected him to Itachi in those days, and Sasuke had hated most of the Akatsuki's music.

This afternoon they were listening to everything Itachi had recorded.

It began in soft, simple things. It was nothing but acoustic and voice. Kisame found it eerie and charming at the same time. It recalled a teenaged Itachi standing on the stage with his best friend.

"I don't get it," Kisame said as they shifted to the slightly more aggressive songs. Still guitar only, but a bit more power in the voice. Less wistful, a bit angrier.

"You don't?" Sasuke raised his eyebrows. 

"No, I get _that_ , but I don't get why he's not just...writing it himself," Kisame tapped his fingers on the desk. He could almost feel the song Itachi needed to write, how it would rip out of him.

"Because he can't do that yet," Sasuke answered simply. "Haven't you ever noticed none of the songs he's written have been about that?"

Kisame opened his mouth to protest, but then he thought about it. Sasuke would likely know best. Itachi had certainly hinted and skirted around the subject, but Kisame thought Sasuke was right. Itachi had used the emotions, yes, but never directly sung about it.

"He's been putting it off for years," Sasuke added as he started the most recent song. The electric chords came through.

_A little sleep a little slumber, a little folding of the hands. . ._

"Fuck your brother's voice." Personally, Kisame thought Itachi's best work had been in the later years. It was powerful without being operatic. It had grit when needed, and Itachi just understood how to use his voice to the best of his abilities. He'd also taken full artistic control over his music, only taking suggestions from Kisame. They had made _good_ music.

"Do you fuck it?" Sasuke asked bluntly.

_Maybe you should just fall! And leave the world and lose it all! And if that's what you need finally see--_

"Your brother fucks about once a decade," Kisame grabbed his beer. Sasuke was drinking iced fucking tea out of deference to his brother. Itachi had more trust in Kisame's willpower. Maybe he just cared less.

"So once a decade you fuck?"

"Not this decade," Kisame stopped the track. 

"Why do you let him live with you then?" Sasuke asked.

Kisame motioned to the studio. "This is mine. The house is Itachi's. I took out the loan to build the studio. He got the mortgage on the house."

Sasuke was frowning. "That seems very permanent."

"I guess it is." Kisame pulled up another track. Sasuke was still watching Kisame carefully. 

"What happens when you get sick of each other?"

Kisame raised an eyebrow. "Are you worried I'll break his heart?"

Sasuke didn't answer, but gave Kisame a long, black stare. That was Itachi's black stare. 

"He's smarted than that now," Kisame added lightly.

_Self-destruct, spiral down  
Until your want becomes your need  
Please get up like I know you can  
Or forever love the fall 'cause  
I don't feel like I'm  
Getting through to you_

"He learned that lesson the hard way."  
~  
Bitter Nakano's third tour was a defeaning success. They ended it on the biggest crowd they had ever performed for, and the after-party had been indescribable. Bitter Nakano was one of the hottest bands in their genre, and Shisui had never felt better. Everyone wanted an interview. An autograph. A sound bite. A word. A hint at what was coming next.

Previously, Shisui had been anxious to get their next album done. After the success of their third album, _Perfect Zero_ , and how easy it had been to make, and their tour had been international and amazing and so perfect, Shisui worried less about the album.

He spent a lot more time doing interviews and networking. He got invited to a lot of parties. Itachi still hated interviews, so Shisui did them all. The next album would happen when it happened. Shisui had plenty of good songs left inside of him, burning to get out. Bitter Nakano had made it.

There was no point if he didn't enjoy it a bit.

"We need to work on the album," Itachi told Shisui. "We've got to get it done before the end of the year."

"We will, we will," Shisui promised. He was on his way out the door. He was already buzzing. The little pills he'd tried on tour worked way better than caffeine, and coffee gave Shisui the shits anyway. They helped him stay thin as well. He didn't have a lot of time to hit the gym. "We'll work on it tonight, I promise. I have to go, it's..."

"Shisui, we need to work on this," Itachi insisted. He began going over everything they hadn't done, but Shisui got distracted by his reflection in a mirror. This was a far cry from the T-shirt and jeans of their first show. Shisui's leather pants were worth more than that first apartment they'd rented. His jacket was designer with buckles and useless pockets. His hair was artfully artless, the curls held together with a very expensive product. He had pierced his ears and they looked good. It made him look more rugged. He should go ahead and get the tattoo he'd been thinking about.

" _Shisui_ " Itachi almost snapped. Shisui looked at Itachi. His heart melted a bit at the sight of Itachi, obviously annoyed at Shisui. Itachi hadn't changed.

No. He'd grown. He'd be seventeen in six months. His face had thinned. His eyes were still huge. he'd grown his hair out past his shoulder blades. He looked _pretty_ , which was why the band was doing so great. Shisui was sexy. Itachi was pretty. They had the voices of angels.

And, really, who couldn't love Itachi? He was the essence of everything Shisui loved about music.

"Come with me," Shisui said, popped forward to sling an arm around Itachi's shoulder. "You never come out. You need a break."

"No." Itachi began pushing Shisui off.

"I promise I will not go out at all until the album is done if you come out tonight," Shisui offered because he suddenly couldn't stand the idea of Itachi not coming. He knew Itachi would hate the party, but he also knew he wanted Itachi to be there with him. To dance and be crazy and loosen up. To see what it was he was missing, and what Shisui was enjoying so much. Shisui was going to turn all of this into music. He had to live if they wanted to write good songs. They had to get out and experience the world.

"Fine," Itachi agreed.

"Great, let's get you changed," Shisui spun Itachi around, ignoring his protests.

Shisui woke up the next day in someone else's apartment. His phone was filled with texts from Itachi.

"I promise it won't happen again," Shisui apologized as he ran out of the apartment without his shoes or his underwear (those would show up on an auction site later). 

"It's not Bitter Nakano if I'm the only one writing the songs," Itachi replied so tight and harsh one might think he was on the verge of tears. It meant Itachi was furious. For once, he was taking this more seriously than Shisui.

Shisui stopped in his track, understanding what he had been too euphoric since the end of the tour to realize. "Itachi." Shisui could feel Itachi's reaction in the faintest inhale. The attunement to the way Shisui said his name. Shisui felt the shame build up in him because he had lost sight of what was important and he knew it.

Shisui promised he would do better.

He would not lose this.

He couldn't.  
~  
Everyone who had ever created music had songs no one else would hear. Kisame held this belief religiously. Everyone had those deep, personal, revealing tracks that were just too truthful to be trusted to the world. Kisame had a few like that.

One he had let Itachi record.

They ended up not releasing it because it didn't "fit" with the rest of the album they were working on, but it was, selfishly, one of Kisame's favorite things Itachi had ever sung. There had been no discussion about it. Itachi had simply read it and given Kisame that long, dark stare before asking if he was sure he wanted Itachi to sing this one.

Kisame had shrugged it off, but handing a part of your soul to another person was a traumatic experience. A trusting one. It had sealed something, although Kisame had known Itachi would do the song more than justice. Itachi had sung it perfectly, hitting every emotional niche Kisame had felt setting the words down.

Much later Kisame was allowed to see Itachi's old songs draft folder, in which was a slightly childish series of songs that explained so much about Itachi and Shisui and why, years later, Itachi did not sing any of Bitter Nakano's songs. Why he never spoke about Shisui at all.

"If I wanted to post a cover of a song, where could we do that?" Itachi asked.

At some point, grieving had to end.  
~  
Shisui sat with a beer on the balcony of his and Itachi's rented house. Itachi came out with a cup of what was probably tea. They'd been working on songs all day, and Shisui's voice felt terrible. Itachi had been struggling to hit higher notes, which Shisui thought meant he was getting sick. Hopefully. His voice could be dropping again too, and that would suck.

They had also kept having to stop to answer emails and phone calls. Shisui had turned down five party invitations today, holding hard to his promise. It had been a day that really made Shisui nostalgic for the beginning of Bitter Nakano, when it had truly just been the two of them and they could fully immerse themselves in the creative process and forget the world.

"Do you think we're almost ready to start recording?" Shisui asked.

"I think we need to work on it more," Itachi replied as he sat down. The dim lights made Itachi look older. It changed and sharpened his face. Maybe this was what he looked like on stage to everyone else.

"Really?" 

Itachi took his time answering, turning his mug around in his hands before he looked at Shisui. His eyes were bright, and his face was earnest. "I want this album to be perfect."

Shisui could hear both the vocal strain and the emotions in Itachi's rough tone. Itachi had always been more serene about their albums before. Usually, he was the one telling Shsiui to slow down, and feeling close enough was good enough. Admittedly, Shisui had been a bit out of hand partying before, but he had been careful. He was only drinking a bit for fun after the recorded, but the little pills helped him focus. Itachi either didn't know or didn't object.

"Why this one?" Shisui asked.

Itachi paused. He looked at the city. he looked at Shisui. He took a huge breath.

"I got accepted."

"For what?" Shisui asked before his brain caught up with the words and the implications. The context: _Itachi accepted._ He sat forward. "Where?"

Itachi shrugged, almost smiling but trying to hide it. "A couple places."

Shisui leaned forward and gently slugged Itachi on the arm. " _Where_ did you get accepted?"

Itachi looked away. "MIT, Stanford, Cambridge--"

"In _England?_ " Shisui demanded, feeling a laugh bubbling up in him. Itachi looked at Shisui, smiling softly, and nodded.

" _Fuck_ , when were you going to tell me?" Shisui demanded. Itachi's ridiculous academic capabilities hadn't been on his mind in a while, and he'd just accepted Itachi would go to a good university when he was accepted. This was just crazy. Over the top.

"What are you majoring in?" Shisui demanded.

"Pure mathematics," Itachi admitted. 

Shisui burst into laughter. The idea of going from rock star to studying the most abstract of math was ridiculous.

But it was so perfectly _Itachi_ , Shisui loved it. He was filled with the same flood of pride and love he got when Itachi did something particularly clever with music. When their voices mixed perfectly. When he caught Itachi getting wrapped up in a show, or their eyes met across the stage.

Shisui dropped back into his chair. "God, I love you." Itachi looked away, cheeks flushed and embarrassed. Shisui didn't care. It was true.

"You're not mad?" Itachi asked hesitantly.

"Why would I be mad?" Shisui demanded. He stood up. They needed to celebrate. They had champagne somewhere. Itachi would drink that for Shisui's sense of celebration at least.

"Because I'll be leaving the band," Itachi said it very softly. Shisui stopped. He sat down on the arm of Itachi's chair gracelessly.

"Do you want to quit?" Shisui asked. Itachi looked out, refusing to look at Shisui.

"...I don't want to do this forever," Itachi admitted."It's fun, but it's not..." He stopped.

"Yeah, I know." Shisui leaned his arm on Itachi's shoulder. "You forget exactly how well I know you, Itachi. Bitter Nakano always had an expiration date." Shisui squeezed Itachi's shoulder and stood back up.

"We'll just make sure this is the best album and the best tour we have ever done to launch my solo career," Shisui said.

Itachi looked up at Shisui then, the smile a bit more confident. This had always been the plan. Itachi had always been clear he did not want this. He wanted university. Education. Probably a doctorate.

He had done this because Shisui had asked him, and he had certainly given it everything he had. 

The gravity of that hit Shisui hard. There was no one in the world like Itachi for Shisui. No one at all. No one in the world would ever love Shisui as Itachi did, and Shisui couldn't imagine ever feeling like this about anyone else.

"I want this album to be the best thing we've ever done," Itachi said earnestly. 

"You have me 100% until you're satisfied with the last note," Shisui promised. The game had changed. Things were different. He could not coast through this like it was any other album. This was the last thing Bitter Nakano would create.

And it would be their best.  
~  
"He's processing the trauma through music," Sasuke explained to Kisame, even though Kisame knew that. They were drinking a bit of expensive whiskey after a very productive session with a new artist who had been very impressed with Sasuke. Sasuke looked punk, even if he was just a humanitarian. He knew all the right things to say. He had the right amount of disdain for the world to awe people.

"I don't think he's ever really properly processed it," Sasuke added.

"You know, the first time Itachi heard a song he wrote, I thought he would pass out," Kisame said.

"You really have to wonder what he was thinking," Sasuke leaned back in his seat, feet propped on the desk. "Writing songs like that."

"You have to imagine," Kisame sighed and took a drink. "How it ended."

Sasuke scoffed. "It still makes him a petty asshole."

"He's a good songwriter," Kisame intoned. "Trashed his voice, but."

"How do you know he trashed his voice?" Sasuke asked.

"He's got like...five little originals up on Youtube. You can't see his face, but it's him," Kisame said.

Sasuke demanded to see it, and Kisame began searching for it. "How did you know?"

"Itachi found it."

There were both silent as Kisame tried to remember the channel. He pulled up a video of a man playing guitar, but from the shoulders down. He had his sleeves rolled up, tattoos up both arms. His hands were broad and strong, but he played almost haltingly. He had layered drums and piano with the track.

_And there is nothing quite as bitter,  
As the sound of your voice that winter_

Sasuke sat back and listened. Kisame tried to imagine that voice paired with Itachi's. He tried to envision a world where Bitter Nakano had not gone under in a sodden crash.

The door opened behind them. Sasuke jumped like a guilty child and tried to hide his glass of whiskey. Kisame raised his in salute. Itachi looked at the screen. He watched the hands move over the strings, plucking and strumming as the roughened voice sang on.

"Did you post the songs I asked you to?" Itachi asked.

Kisame nodded. "As requested. Your fans are both extremely confused and incredibly pleased."

"Good." Itachi closed his eyes. "I want to record a cover of _Kerosene._ "

Kerosene had been a very popular song five years ago. The band that sang it had actually opened for them and Itachi had made some drama when he had told the band they were not allowed to sing that single under any circumstances or Itachi would not be following their act. The song itself was a good one, definitely one of the band's most popular singles. It had been written for them by a very popular but extremely reclusive songwriter.

Kisame remembered the moment Itachi had first heard the song. He'd watched Itachi's spine stiffen, his body lock-up, his face losing all color. Luckily they'd been stopped in traffic on the highway because Itachi had simply gotten out of the car and walked away. It took Kisame hours to find Itachi afterward. They lost a week of work while Itachi obsessively looked up every song written by the man who had written Kerosene. Itachi had parsed out a timeline. A series of events. An alternate history.

Kerosene was a love song. 

A wistful little ballad written to Itachi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, show of hands: who thought Shisui was dead?
> 
> Dead isn't half as much suffering and pain as alive. :D I can have so much more ANGST is someone is alive. Remember that.
> 
> Songs mentions:  
> Hymn For the Missing by RED  
> Youth by Daughter  
> Jenny by Nothing More

**Author's Note:**

> So if Itachi and Shisui were in a band, what would they sound like? Or any of these fictional bands.


End file.
